


Sobbe in every universe - one shots

by Gayboy99



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, Sander and Robbe together forever in every universe, finding yourself, whatever my brain cooks up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23289601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gayboy99/pseuds/Gayboy99
Summary: Chapter 1: An alternate universe in which Robbe is transgender and comes out to Sander pre-transition.Chapter 2: Robbe and Sander are in love and pretty drunk at Jana's Birthday partyChapter 3: The darker side of quarantine. Robbe has a falling out with his mother.Chapter 4: The time Moyo was an ally and the time Robbe was.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 9
Kudos: 187





	1. Will you love me like you did before?

The questions started right after Ruby’s mom died. Ruby would ask, “If I cut my hair, would you still love me?” “If one day I woke up and no longer had my breasts, would you still love me?” “If you found out that I was a different person, would you still love me?” “If you found out that I was broken, would you still love me?” At first Sander thought that these questions were stemming from Ruby’s own mental battle with mortality after her mom’s long and painful fight with breast cancer. How could Sander convince Ruby that he will be here for her no matter what, after her father taught her that he would abandon them as soon as things got hard? Sander tries his best to be there for her, to try to understand her pain and support her through this difficult time. But it feels like the more he answers her worries with love, the more she pushes him away. 

“Senne, I really don’t know what to do,” Sander breaks down over their long forgotten lunch. “She won’t even talk to me.” 

“What happened? Just tell me what happened?” Senne worries over Sander, rubbing his back and trying to hold his best friend together. 

“She hasn’t left her mom’s place in days, she hasn’t been home. All she’s told me is that she has to go through her mom’s things and that she’d rather do it alone,” Sander’s thoughts race. 

“Then you went over there?” Senne prompts. 

“Yes, because Jana said that I should. Jana has been there every day and she told me that Ruby isn’t eating, isn’t sleeping, and that everything is a mess,” Sander explains. 

“Why would she let Jana help and not you?” Senne wonders out loud. 

“That is exactly what I was thinking,” Sander exclaims, happy to have someone agree with him and confirm that he isn’t over reacting. “But I went over there to see if she would let me help, and I brought her favorite food, but she still kicked me out.” 

“Did you guys fight?” Senne asks, confused. 

“It didn’t feel like a fight, she just kept asking me all of these questions and no matter what I said or even if I didn’t say anything at all she just kept getting angrier and angrier. And Senne I have absolutely no idea what is going on and I have no idea what to do!” Sander hides his face in his arms on the table. 

“What was she asking?” Senne soothes, just as lost as Sander. 

“It was really weird man,” Sander admits. “She kept asking if I would still love her if things happened to her. Like if she was a different person, or cut her hair, or lost her breasts, or could no longer have kids, or if she became horribly disfigured.” 

There is a silence for a while until Senne finds the courage to ask his next question, “Does she have cancer too?”

“I asked,” Sander looks up with tears in his eyes. “But she said no, that was the only answer she gave me.” 

“What else do you think it could be?” Senne wonders. 

“It just feels like she doesn’t trust me anymore,” Sander begins. “Like ever since her dad fucked off, she doesn’t trust that I wont do the same thing to her.” 

“That fucking asshole!” Senne hits the table. “But you aren’t him, never in a million years would you be anything like him.” 

“But I don’t know how else to show her that,” Sander sighs, frustrated. “I don’t know how much longer I can take her pushing me away, I just want her to trust me. I want to be there for her, I want her to tell me what is going on. God damn it! I want to spend the rest of my life with her for fucks sake.” 

“Well, I think you are already showing her that she can trust you, with everything that she has said and done the past few months you have shown her that you love her, and you have been there for her as much as she will let you,” Senne begins. “But trust is a two way street, it is up to her to make that leap and to tell you what is really going on.” 

“Do you think I should go over there again?” Sander asks hopefully.

“Yes and you need to get her to tell you about what really is going on,” Senne leads. 

“But I don’t want to force her to say anything before she is ready,” Sander admits. 

“I know, but sometimes people need a little push,” Senne comforts. “And I trust you to push her just enough to start talking about it, even if it is only a little bit. I’m sure as soon as she sees that you are sticking around she will keep going.”

“Okay, I’m going to do it,” Sander declares, leaning back in his chair and wiping his eyes. He begins collecting his things, standing up and patting his pockets. 

“Sander wait,” Senne says, standing up and walking around the table to give his best friend a hug. “Whatever happens, remember that you are fantastic and amazing and everything will be okay. And I am here for you no matter what.” 

“Stop, you are going to make me start crying again,” Sander manages a laugh. 

“Go get her,” Senne winks as Sander leaves. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Standing on the front steps of Ruby’s mom’s house brings Sander instantly back in time. It makes him feel like a giddy teen ager again, promising to have her back by 11. But it's Ruby, they have been living together for two years now, there should be no awkwardness in seeing her, but Sander can't help the swarm of butterflies in his stomach. He paces a few more times then rings the doorbell yelling at himself for being such a weirdo. 

Sander soon hears Ruby’s voice as she comes down the stairs, “Jana I swear to god if you forgot your phone again…”

“Hey,” Sander smiles lamely when Ruby’s surprised face greets him through the open front door. 

“Hey,” she says back, sadness in her voice. 

“Can we talk?” Sander asks hopefully. 

“Yeah, come in,” Ruby says, coming out of her brief haze. Sander hangs up his coat and takes off his shoes at the front door. He is surprised when Ruby pulls him into a hug, wrapping her thin arms around his shoulders, holding him like it's the last time she will ever be able to do it. 

“Hey baby, it's okay,” Sander hums into her ear, holding her close. He can feel her ragged breaths as she tries to keep herself calm. 

She pulls away ever so slightly, so she can look Sander in the eyes. “Shall we go sit?” she suggests. 

Sander allows Ruby to lead them upstairs, they sit awkwardly on the couch, a wide gap between their bodies but Sander angled his legs towards her. The silence of the room is heavy, neither of them knowing how or where to start. 

“I’m sorry,” Ruby begins. “About yesterday. I understand if you are angry at me.” 

“I’m not angry,” Sander insists. “I’m just confused. I don’t know what is going on with you anymore. I used to know everything going on in your head, but now I don’t even know where to start.”

“I know that it's my fault. And I have been doing a lot of thinking recently,” Ruby begins. 

“Do you still want to be with me?” Sander blurts out once it is clear that Ruby wasn’t going to continue talking. 

“Of course I do Sander,” she says, reaching out to hold his hand. “But…”

“But what?” Sander asks, searching her face. 

“But I’m afraid,” tears threaten to come out of Ruby’s eyes. 

“Afraid of what? That I will leave you?” Sander asks, squeezing her hand. 

“Yes,” Ruby sighs. 

“Well, I’m not going to, not in a million years,” Sander says, but Ruby is still avoiding his gaze. “Do you remember what I promised you? You and me together, forever, in every universe.” 

“Well that's just the thing, I don’t feel like myself anymore,” Ruby yells, surprising herself that she said that. 

“What does that even mean?” Sander asks, absolutely confused again. 

“It's just…” Ruby is finding it hard to put the right words together. “Since neither of them are around anymore I am realizing just how much of my life I was living for my parents and what they wanted for me. I’ve suppressed so much, so much of myself. And I don’t want to keep doing it anymore, it's exhausting and I’m just so fucking exhausted.” 

“Well fuck what they wanted, they don’t get a say anymore. Baby, you get to do whatever you want now,” Sander tries to reassure her. 

“But I can’t!”

“Why?”

“Because I might lose you!” the tears are coming down Ruby’s face at full force now. 

“You will never lose me,” Sander reaches out for Ruby again and she pushes his hands away. “What do I have to do to convince you that I am in this? Forever, I am devoted to you, I love you Ruby with absolutely everything that I have. Please, don’t push me away.” 

“But what if I can’t be that person anymore? The person that you fell in love with,” Ruby argues. 

“Ruby, I fell in love with your soul and the way our souls are woven together, that is something that will never change,” Sander begs. “I want you to let me in, I want to see the real you. Whatever parts of your personality you feel have been repressed, I want to see it.” 

“It's not my personality I want to change,” Ruby sighs, getting frustrated as well. 

“Then what is it?” Sander groans. “Do you want piercings, tattoos, do you want to dye your hair? Do you really think I give a shit about any of that? I’ll take you myself!” 

“Sander, I’m transgender!” Ruby yells. The weight lifted off of Ruby’s shoulders is insurmountable, but the silence in the room makes him question every single thought in his head. Ruby can’t look at Sander, his reaction is too scary to witness. 

“Oh,” Sander sighs, snapping the puzzle pieces into place. “Hey baby look at me please, just look at me.” 

Ruby uses every bit of strength he has left to look into Sander’s eyes. 

“Do you remember our game?” Sander places a gentle hand under Ruby’s chin forcing him to look up “Minute by minute?”

“Yes,” Ruby sighs with a laugh. 

“I can’t promise that I wont mess up, or that I will understand everything that you are going through, but I am here. I will be here, by your side for everything. We will take it one minute at a time, we’ll do whatever you want to do, whatever makes you feel whole,” Sander rambles, wiping the tears off of Ruby’s cheeks. 

“Why bother?” Ruby sobs. “I’d understand if you can’t love me anymore.” 

“Hey, stop,” Sander says firmly. “I love you. No matter what packaging you come in. It's you and me kid, forever in every universe.” 

This coaxes a heavy, grateful laugh out of Ruby. He finally gives in and lets Sander hold him. The weight lessens with every second that Sander is by his side to share the load. Sobs of exhaustion, gratefulness, and anticipation of the journey ahead are shared by both boys. But one thing is abundantly clear in the silence, the love that they have for each other. 

“Hey, you don’t have to have an answer yet, but I’m just curious if you’d thought about it,” Sander rambles. “But what should I call you?” 

“Robbe,” he answers, the name beginning to fill the cracks in his heart. 

“Robbe,” Sander tests the name with a proud smile on his face. “Well Robbe, can we go to bed now?” 

“Yes,” Robbe agrees, loving the way his name sounds in Sander’s voice. 

“Hey Robbe, I love you,” Sander kisses his forehead. 

“I love you too. More than anything.”


	2. Even with twigs in your hair and mud on your face, I will love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sander and Robbe let loose at Jana's Birthday party. All fluff and love!

Once a year on Jana’s birthday her mother allows, in all honesty, the best party of the year to occur. These parties are always wild and create enough memories to talk about for the rest of the year. Robbe was excited to go, it took all of his self control to focus on his evening exam. Arriving late to Jana’s party would mean that he would be playing catch up, trying to match his friends after they had a pregame and 2 hours of beer pong under their belts. Damn whoever thought it was a good idea to schedule an exam on a Friday night. Despite his anticipation, Robbe felt like he had done well on the exam and thankfully he will have the party to distract him from overanalyzing every answer he put down until the key comes out tomorrow morning. He nearly sprints up the stairs and out of the crowded lecture hall, he can’t wait to see his friends, to see Sander. 

The bus arrives exactly as Robbe reaches the bus stop and he easily finds a seat right by the side door. Robbe opens his phone for the first time since sitting down for his exam. He is pleased to see that Sander and his friends have spammed him with snapchats, making sure that he doesn’t miss any of their schinanogens. Robbe opens the string of snaps from Sander first. 

“Hey baby, I wanted to wish you luck on your exam. You are brilliant and I know you are going to crush it!” Sander sends from his bed, ending the video with a kiss. He was clearly already dressed to go to the pregame. 

“I love you Robbe, you better be doing a good job on that test. I can’t wait to see you,” a slightly tipsier Sander orders from Jens’ sofa. 

“My beautiful genius! When are you getting here?!” A very tipsy Sander whines while walking with the boys to Jana’s house. 

“I have a confession to make,” a drunk Sander yells into his phone, it's clear that in this state Sander believes that he is actually whispering. “In my defense Aaron is very persistent with his questions and I have a hard time not talking about you. I’m sorry baby.” 

Uh oh, Robbe thinks. He better get there soon before Aaron gets any more dirt from Sander. Robbe opens a snap from Jens next. 

Jens has his arm wrapped around Sander’s shoulders, both of them are teetering dangerously as they try to walk down the sidewalk. “You know what?” Jens asks, “You are probably the coolest person in this fucking country. I am so happy Robbe found you!” 

Next a snap from Moyo, “Robbe, these crackheads are out of control without you!” Moyo pans over to reveal exactly what the other three were up to. They were playing a game of chicken on the swing set at the park next to Jana’s house. This game of chicken resulted in Aaron getting repeatedly kicked in the balls. 

Lastly a picture of Aaron in the ominous glow from his flash, the caption simply reading ‘I know everything.’ 

Robbe jogs from the bus stop to Jana’s house, his backpack heavy with Jana’s birthday gift. This is the first time in a long time where Robbe is actually excited to go to a party. Usually he would rather have a chill night at home with the boys or more often Sander. But tonight, he is excited to celebrate, let loose, and hang out with his friends. 

“Robbe!!” Jana greets enthusiastically at the front door, pulling him into a tight hug. “You made it! How was your exam?” 

“It went well, I think!” Robbe smiles, digging through his backpack after Jana lets him go. “This is for you, Happy Birthday!” 

“Thank you!” Jana beams, pulling a cosy purple scarf out of the gift bag. “I love it, Robbe! Thank you so much!” 

“I’m glad you like it,” Robbe blushes, hugging Jana again. “Have you seen my idiots?” 

“Yeah,” Jana laughs. “They were in the living room last I saw.” 

Robbe discards his backpack and coat by the door as Jana greets the next guest. As soon as Robbe enters the house the environment changes instantly. There are people dancing their hearts out in the living room and there is lots of laughter and loud conversations happening over the loud music. Robbe stands in the doorway for a second breathing everything in and looking for his friends. He soon finds them all, boys and girls dancing in a large group in the middle of the dance floor. Jens makes eye contact with him and soon pulls him into the mass of dancing bodies. Robbe dances conservatively for a moment, soon realizing that he is not drunk enough for this. 

“I’m going to get a drink,” Robbe yells above the din. 

“Find Sander first,” Jens slurs with a wink that causes both of his eyes to close. 

“Why? Where is he?” Robbe asks, unable to keep the immediate worry out of his mind.   
Jens simply points to the couch on the other side of the room. A blissed out Sander is slumped on the couch with the biggest grin on his face. 

Robbe sneaks through the dancing bodies and over to his boyfriend. “Hey baby,” Robbe greets with a smile on his face. 

Sander half opens his eyes and his smile grows even bigger. “Come here baby,” Sander says enthusiastically, holding up a floppy arm. Robbe takes his hand and is surprised at Sander’s ability to pull him towards the couch. Robbe loses his balance for a moment but falls naturally onto the couch, his legs on Sander’s lap. 

“How are you doing?” Robbe laughs, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek. 

“I am doing fantastic,” Sander declares, this is probably the most drunk Robbe has ever seen him. “It might seem like I am doing nothing over here...but...I have a very important job.”

“Oh really?” Robbe giggles. “And what might that job be?”

“I’m guarding the whiskey, for you of course, because whiskey is your favorite,” Sander says, whispering the last bit as if it was a secret. 

“You mean that whiskey?” Robbe grins, pointing to the empty bottle of whiskey in Sander’s hand. 

“Oh,” Sander looks disappointed. “Where did it go?” 

“Did you drink it?” Robbe suggests. 

“Oh right! I did,” Sander laughs, realization coming across his face again. 

“So you’re a whiskey man now too?” Robbe giggles. 

“I guess that I am,” Sander puffs out his chest proudly. “Are you mad at me?”

“Never,” Robbe smiles, kissing Sander on the lips gently. Sander turns into an absolute giggly mess under Robbe’s innocent kiss. 

“Good, because I did save you this!” Sander declares holding up half of a blunt. 

“My hero,” Robbe sings, peppering his boyfriend’s face with kisses as he takes the blunt. “Do you want some?” 

“There’s hardly any left,” Sander observes, his brain working hard to be pragmatic. 

“We could always share,” Robbe suggests with a coy smile. 

It takes Sander a while to catch up but when he does a smug smile comes across his face. “I guess we could do that.” 

Robbe helps himself to the lighter that Sander forgot he had in his pocket and lights up the joint. Robbe breathes in deeply trying to stay calm. He holds his breath motioning for Sander to come closer. They meet each other halfway, Robbe exhaling into Sander’s mouth. Sander breaths in as easily as if he had been breathing normally and passes it back to Robbe. They continue this intimate routine until the blunt is finished, both getting high off of the mariguana and each other's touch. 

They sit lazily on the couch watching the dancing bodies in the living room, tracing shapes into eachothers hands. “So what did you tell Aaron?” Robbe asks eventually. 

“Oh that,” Sander grins. “He asked me when I first knew that I loved you.” 

“And what did you say?” Robbe asks skeptically. 

“I said that I knew when I first saw you, and then I really knew the first time we talked, then I really really knew the first time we kissed. Then I knew without a doubt that I would never stop loving you the first time we had sex,” Sander rambles, ending it all with a very drunk smirk. 

“Cutie,” Robbe smiles, knowing that there must have been more details spilt in order to make Aaron act so weird. Granted it never took much for Aaron to act weird. 

“I’m not cute,” Sander turns serious. “I’m intimidating!” 

“Sure sure sure, maybe at first,” Robbe laughs. “But after a while, no longer intimidating.”

“Really?” Sander asks. “Sometimes I worry about that.”

“About what?” 

“That I’m too intimidating. I think I have a resting bitch face,” Sander winces. 

“I think you have a resting god face,” Robbe corrects. “You are just too damn attractive.” 

“Even when I do this?” Sander jokes, going cross eyed puffing out his cheeks. 

“Especially when you do that,” Robbe laughs. 

“How about now?” Sander turns his eyelids inside out and sicks his tongue out. 

“You’re ready for the runway,” Robbe is laughing uncontrollably now. 

“Hey love birds, come dance!” Moyo yells from across the room. 

“Aren’t we already dancing?” Sander asks, confused. 

“No, baby, we are sitting on the couch,” Robbe laughs even harder. 

“No wonder it's so comfortable,” Sander has an epiphany. 

“Come on lazy bum,” Robbe drags Sander to his feet. 

Sander and Robbe dance with their friends, take shots whenever Jana commands them to, and laugh more than they have in months. Watching Sander dance with abandon does something crazy to Robbe, he can’t help but get turned on a bit. Robbe soon realizes that drunk Sander is one of the most fun drunk people he has ever been around. Sander is doe eyed and happy, constantly snuggling and kissing Robbe and whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Sander doesn’t do this often, because it isn't the best combination with his medication but Robbe is going to savour this occasion while it lasts. Because everyone deserves to let loose every once in a while and Sander is not exempt from that. 

“Hey baby, are you okay?” Robbe asks, still in tune with what Sander is feeling even when Robbe is drunk. “Your heart is racing.” 

“That's what you do to me,” Sander says into Robbe’s ear, making Robbe’s stomach do summersaults. “I love you so much I might just explode.” 

“Shall we get out of here?” Robbe suggests, leaving a kiss behind on Sander’s ear. 

“That's the best idea you have had all night,” Sander’s voice is serious yet slurred. 

Sander and Robbe shuffle around the dance floor making their goodbyes. Their friends tell them to text when they get home safely and only complain a little bit that they are leaving early. Sander is clinging more and more to Robbe as time goes on, his legs getting weak with the amount of alcohol his body has consumed. Robbe foresees a long walk ahead of them as he will have to give Sander a piggy back ride all the way home, not that he would complain though. 

The boys eventually make it out the front door, Sander insisting on carrying Robbe’s backpack for him. They are probably in for a slow walk back to their apartment, but when they are together even the most menial task is turned into the adventure of a lifetime. 

“Wait…!” Sander exclaims as they turn down the sidewalk. “I have my bike!” 

“I think you are too drunk to ride it darling,” Robbe giggles. 

“That is true,” Sander agrees. “But I am never too drunk to ride you.” 

“What the heck are you talking about?” Robbe laughs. 

“You steer, I sit back and relax. What could go wrong?” Sander suggests. 

“That would get us home faster, I think,” Robbe smiles. 

“Always eager to get home huh?” Sander smirks. “I wonder why that is...”

“You know why that is, silly man,” Robbe kisses Sander. 

“Hmm I seem to remember now,” Sander smiles. “Okay, lets go!” 

Robbe unlocks Sander’s bike from the tree by Jana’s front door, Sander hugging him from behind as he does. Robbe loves how limp Sander has gone, allowing Robbe to hold him up. Usually Sander is so careful with Robbe, always making sure that he doesn’t put too much weight on him. Robbe climbs over the bike waiting for Sander to get situated before he begins pedaling. To Robbe’s surprise it isn't too hard to bike down the sidewalk with Sander on the back. Sander keeps his feet above the ground and his arms wrapped tightly around Robbe’s waist keeping their weight centered. As they bike down the deserted streets of the city they love Sander begins singing his favorite Bowie songs. His deep voice cuts through the air beautifully, uninhibited by shame or embarrassment. Robbe is sober enough to realize the magic of this moment, this moment is one he hopes to remember forever. As they approach their apartment from a block away Robbe slows down the pace as much as he can in order to keep them upright, he never wants this feeling to end. He is too busy with his thoughts to realize that the bike is slowly leaning to the side, the boys along with it. 

“Sander!” Robbe yelps as they fall over into the large evergreen bush right next to their apartment’s front door. All Robbe can hear is Sander’s uncontrollable laughter. “What did you do that for?”

“It looked so squishy,” Sander heaves out between laughs. 

“Well was it?” Robbe questions. “Are you hurt?” 

“It was not squishy,” Sander informs. “Are you hurt?”

“No.”

“Then neither am I,” Sander says happily, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek. 

“You always break my fall and protect my head,” Robbe observes. 

“You’re worth protecting,” Sander whispers against Robbe’s lips. They make out in the bush until a rustling freaks them out. They sprint up the stairs, their drunken state making them even more dramatic. Both boys are exhausted, collapsing onto their bed fully clothed with their shoes still on. They kiss sloppily, lazily until they both fall asleep. 

When Robbe wakes up with stiff muscles and a searing headache he instantly feels better after seeing the sight before him. Sander is laying on his chest, his silver hair full of twigs and tickling Robbe’s chin. Sander’s face is completely relaxed and squished against Robbe’s chest. Robbe moves as carefully as he can, pulling his phone out of his pocket and taking as many pictures as he can, from every angle. Soon Robbe’s laughter wakes up Sander, his bed head even more impressive when he sees him face to face. Robbe takes more pictures unable to control his laughter. Robbe expects he looks to be in a similar state judging by Sander’s laughter and urgency to steal the phone from Robbe and take several hundred photos of his own. 

“We look rough,” Sander announces. 

“Why yes we do!” Robbe giggles. 

“In sickness, and in health, and on hungover mornings, I will love you Robbe Ijzermans,” Sander declares, peppering Robbe’s face with kisses. 

“Even with twigs in your hair, and mud on your face, I will love you Sander Driesen.”


	3. The darker side of quarantine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is something that I haven't been able to get out of my head since quarantine started. I've been very aware of how my own mental health and relationships with my family has struggled in this difficult time, but in the end all I can feel is grateful. I am grateful that my struggles are so much less than those of others and that at the end of the day my family lifts me up instead of slowly deteriorating my mental health further. My imagination however took a darker turn, I think it is very important to talk about some of the ways this time has effected people with mental illness and also members of the LGBT community. For a long time I avoided adding fuel to the coronavirus hysteria with my writing, but this story spoke to me in a way that I wasn't expecting. 
> 
> Read with care. In this story Robbe's mother has a Schizophrenic episode and lashes out at Robbe in a homophobic way. Robbe finds safety and comfort with Sander's family after he is kicked out. There is also a little bit of smut at the end. As always I hope you like this little thing that I wrote and please always feel free to leave a comment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Homophobia, unstable family dynamics, and smut

“Happy anniversary, baby,” Sander grins into the camera, the slightest hint of melancholy in the atmosphere. 

“Happy anniversary,” Robbe answers softly back. They stare at each other through their screens momentarily. How has it already been six months? Six months since they committed to each other, heart and soul, flaws and all. Six months have gone by in what feels like a blink of the eye to Robbe, but at the same time he has a hard time remembering what life was like before Sander. It feels like a lifetime since he was that scared, timid, sad boy at the beach. Neither could argue that their lives changed that day, the day that they officially met in that tiny kitchen at the hotel, but that isn’t the date they choose to celebrate. They chose the 29th of November, 21:21. Sander, being the endless romantic, took it upon himself to calculate the exact minute they made their way back to each other. They chose this date, this night, because it was when they both took a leap of faith, they both lept, and they caught each other. ‘All the way or no way,’ as Sander would put it. 

Although their love story got off to a rocky start, it has been nothing but wild, brilliant, one in a million love ever since. Sure they have their bad days, but they are there for eachother and that is what makes it truly special. They joke that they got all of their angst out of the way in the beginning, it's all smooth sailing from here. Even through quarantine, they have managed to keep their spirits high. They have used this time to talk, to talk about everything. Hopes, dreams, plans, deepest darkest secrets, pet peeves, insecurities, goals, childhood stories, by now it feels like they have had a decade’s worth of conversations and know each other sometimes even better than they know themselves. Robbe can’t help the instant change in his mood when he sees Sander’s number pop up on his screen. Seeing his face never ceases to turn his day around, but the longing for him is often debilitating. Tonight is one of those nights. 

“What are you thinking about?” Sander asks softly. 

“I just miss you a little extra today,” Robbe admits sadly.

“I know,” Sander shares a sad smile. He looks better than ever to Robbe, they made the best effort that they could to make this evening special, despite the distance. They had each set up strings of lights, Sander had made a playlist for their dinner. They picked out each other's outfits and sent food and champagne to the other’s house. 

“It’s just such a big milestone, and it kills me that I can’t be with you,” Robbe’s hands go up to his face. The frustration has been boiling up inside of him for weeks. Things have been getting progressively worse with his mom, she has been stressed and on edge the whole time but this last week has been the worst yet. At first her precautions seemed in line with everyone else. She and Robbe only left the house to do essential shopping and to take walks for exercise. They always wore masks and kept six feet of distance between them and everyone else. After two weeks Robbe had hoped that his mom would be open to him meeting up with Sander or his friends, one on one, as long as they had all been quarantined. But after two weeks his mom had only become more paranoid, only letting Robbe leave to get groceries, tracking his phone whenever he did. After a month Robbe was sure that things would get better, that the government would reopen the country and that things would start to go back to normal. However, after a month, Robbe and his mom stopped leaving the house all together. They had their groceries delivered, something Robbe knew they wouldn't be able to afford forever. Soon his mother felt the need to check in on him every couple of hours, then every hour, then his door seemed to always be open and all of his calls were interrupted. The only thing keeping Robbe from losing his mind was Sander, he kept him happy, kept him looking forward to the future and helping him to pass the time. Sander was always patient and understanding about short chats and abrupt ends to said chats. Sander always listened, always let Robbe vent. It took all of his self control to stay away from Robbe’s apartment and deliver a much needed hug. 

“Hey baby, look at me,” Sander soothes. “I know this all isn't ideal. I know that we would have planned to do a million things before we even would consider this plan, but let me tell you every day with you is momentous. As soon as we are allowed to be together again, I promise that we will celebrate for real. Hell, we can have our anniversary every day if you want.”

“But it's not the same, this is our six month anniversary. We can only have this day once, and this fucking virus took it from us,” Robbe grumbles.

“Well we will just have to calculate another six month anniversary,” Sander reasons.

“What are you talking about?’

“Well,” Sander begins. “I have a feeling that the day we get out of quarantine will be our six month anniversary from the day that we said I love you for the one hundredth time, or our six month anniversary from the first time we had a fancy dinner together. Or the first time you modeled for me, or the first time I noticed your birthmark. Oh actually I know what it will be! It will be the six month anniversary of when you farted in front of me for the first time.” 

“Shut up you stupid boy,” Robbe can’t help but laugh. 

“The point is Robbe, that we reach new milestones every day. Today is a big one, sure, but tomorrow will be an even bigger one. And I for one plan on having even bigger ones in the future,” Sander is leaning close to the screen now. “It's you and me, forever, in every universe. For all time.” 

“I really do love you, you know that right?” Robbe smiles at how his boyfriends declarations of love seem to get bigger with every passing day. 

“Yeah? How much?” he asks with a sly smile. 

“An unreasonable amount, really,” Robbe plays along.

“What is reasonable anyway?” Sander prods. 

“So much I could explode!” 

“Chernobyl?” 

“Chernobyl times a billion.” 

“Woah, that's a lot,” Sander pretends to be surprised, as if loving him was a venture few had dared. What happened next was what Sander has begun calling Robbe’s giggle fits. It's not loud, or constant, it's just bursts of giggles instead of him saying anything. Every time Robbe tries to talk, a soft giggle comes out instead. Sander likes to think that words are just not good enough to convey what he feels, his involuntary giggles fill the silence instead. When this happens, Sander could help him out by talking, by redirecting the conversation. Instead Sander just gazes at him, without talking, only contributing funny faces, making the fit last as long as possible. 

“Robbe!” Marie’s voice cuts into their bubble. 

“Oh, hi mom, you scared me,” Robbe says, in the soft voice he reserves only for his mom. “What is it?” 

“I need you to come downstairs,” she says. 

“Can’t it wait mom? It's our anniversary tonight,” Robbe pleads. 

“No it can’t, it's an emergency,” she insists. Robbe knows the term ‘emergency’ now encompasses a whole range of innocuous things. 

“Hold on, Sander. I will be back in a minute,” Robbe looks over to his screen again. 

“It's okay, I’ll wait,” Sander says with an understanding smile. 

Robbe begins to stand up from his bed when his mom says, “You can’t leave your laptop open in an empty room.” 

“Why not, mom?” 

“That's how they hack in.”

“Who mom?” 

“Them!” 

“It’s okay, baby. You can call me back later,” Sander’s voice comes from the computer. 

“Are you sure?” Robbe sighs. “Even if it's late?” 

“Even if it’s late,” Sander reassures. 

“I love you,” Robbe says. 

“I love you too,” Sander responds before Robbe shuts his laptop and follows his mom down the stairs. 

“So what is so important?” Robbe asks as they walk towards the window. 

“Look, there!” she points. “That man. What do you think he is doing?”

“Mom,” Robbe groans, trying his best to stay patient. “He is walking his dog.”

“No he isn’t. Look, there he is staying for too long,” she argues. “He is putting something into the ground. In front of our house. They are watching us.” 

“Mom, that is dog shit. He is cleaning up after his dog. And look, now he is leaving.”

“Where are you going?” Marie snaps, turning towards her son. 

“Back into my room to finish my date with my boyfriend,” Robbe declares. “You know, the one you interrupted.” 

“No, you can’t go! What if he comes back?” she pushes. 

“So what if he does? The doors are locked. He can’t get to you,” Robbe makes one more attempt to break through her delusions. 

“Look there's another one,” she points out the window again. “I told you they would be back.” 

“Now that is a jogger. I’ll be in my room, please don’t bother me again,” Robbe’s foot is on the first step. 

“No, I said you can’t. I’m your mother and I forbid it,” she yells, stamping her foot three times. It is always three times. 

“You forbid it?” Robbe asks, incredulously. “Why, mom? Why is it that you are always keeping me from talking to Sander?”

“I don’t like you talking with him.” 

“Why?” Robbe dares to ask. 

“He isn’t right for you. I’ve seen him,” she raves. “Him with his dark clothing, and his silver hair. He is an agent of Satan! He is dark and he is evil…”

“Evil? Mom! You met him, he is the nicest, kindest person I have ever met. He is the furthest from evil I have ever seen in my life…” Robbe defends. 

“He has already corrupted you! Can't you see?” 

“Corrupted me? How?”

“It’s not natural…” she begins. 

“Natural?” Robbe whispers, dreading the path this conversation is taking. 

“Two men…it isn’t right! He has led you astray, but you can always find your way back. Robbe, my son, it is not too late for you.”

“Mom, I’m gay. With or without Sander. This is who I am, and that is never going to change.” 

“No son of mine would sell his soul so willingly, and for what? A demon of a boy?” 

“Mom, I love him,” Robbe says firmly, his eyes watering in pain. “And he is in my life, for good, whether or not you like it. God I am so stupid! Is this why you have been hovering? Is this why you keep interrupting our calls? Were you trying to keep me from talking to him?”

“I was hoping that with the time and the distance and the silence that you would see. That you would see what he is doing...” she continues. 

“He isn’t doing anything but accepting me for who I am. Which is a hell of a lot more than you are doing right now,” Robbe moves again, this time towards the front door. 

“Where are you going?” Marie panics. 

“I’m leaving!”

“You aren’t going to him are you? I can only help you if you want help! But I will not have any trace of that creature in my house ever again!” her words cut through the room, inflicting more damage than can be felt in this single moment. 

“Then you’ll never have me in this house ever again,” Robbe says. And he means it. It scares him how much he meant it. With the door latching behind him he feels the world being pulled out from underneath him. His mind, his body are in freefall. Oscillating between numbness and pain he knows the crash is coming, it's all he can do to keep putting one foot in front of the other. His body is rejuvenated from the simple act of being outside after so long, but his heart is in tatters. He is being pulled towards the only thing that makes sense to him anymore, the inexplicable magnetism that always leads him back to Sander. 

It doesn’t take long. Maybe it does, Robbe can’t tell anymore. His phone is in his pocket but he doesn’t think to check the time. He lets himself in through the gate of Sander’s family home. He walks down the familiar garden path made slightly ominous in the dark night. Robbe knocks on the door, it feels like a huge amount of energy is used up in doing so. There is silence for a while, but soon Robbe hears confused voices on the other side of the thick oak door. It is Sander who opens the door. His fancy dinner outfit has long since been replaced by an oversized band T-shirt and flannel pajama pants. His hair is long and bed tostled. 

“Robbe? What are you?...Hi,” Sander’s confusion is evident in the way he squints out of the front door, looking at Robbe. 

“Can I come in?” Robbe’s voice is that of pure exhaustion. 

“There is nothing I want more, but what about your mom? She won’t let you back if you come in,” Sander gropes for answers. 

“I don’t care anymore,” Robbe crys, the tears finally falling. 

“Baby,” Sander whispers. “What happened?” 

“I just can’t. I can’t take it anymore. Please, don’t make me leave. I don’t have anywhere else to go,” Robbe sobs. 

“I’d never make you leave, come here,” Sander rushes towards Robbe, wrapping him in his arms. “I’ve got you, it's going to be okay,” Sander sooths as Robbe melts into his strong arms. 

Robbe sobbs in the doorway of Sander’s house, putting all of his weight into their embrace. His mind is entirely blank, no thought sticks around long enough to register in his mind over the ear ringing level of pain he feels. Soon his body is no longer able to sob, so it simply shakes. He shakes uncontrollably under the weight of standing up. Sander doesn’t know what to do besides bringing him inside. Sander leads him into his bedroom, never leaving his side. Sander drops down to untie Robbe’s shoe laces and all Robbe can do is stand there weakly, shell shocked. When Sander stands back up he looks at Robbe’s face assessing the look in his eyes. There isn’t much of Robbe there behind those brown eyes he loves so much. 

“What can I do?” Sander asks, begging for any ounce of direction. 

“Just hold me,” Robbe exhales. 

“Do you want this off?” Sander asks, rubbing Robbe’s arm that is still in his suit jacket from their date before. Robbe manages a shrugging nod in permission. 

Robbe soon finds his way out of his nice clothes and into Sander’s bed and Sander’s arms. Once in the safety of this space, the space he has missed so dearly, he slowly stops shaking and sleep takes over his exhausted mind. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Sander wakes up to the sound of Robbe’s voice talking on the phone, raspy from the hours of tears and deep sleep. Robbe has sat up in bed and Sander moves to wrap his arms around Robbe’s middle, holding him close and burying his face in Robbe’s bare stomach. From here Sander can hear the woman on the other end of the line clearly. Robbe laces his fingers through Sander’s hair, seeking comfort and courage to make it through this call. 

“Yes I would like to talk to Dr. Peters please,” Robbe’s voice is polite, professional. 

“What is the nature of your call?” the receptionist asks. 

“I would like to report a patient at risk,” Robbe says mechanically. 

“Hold please,” the receptionist responds. 

Sander hears a restrained gasp from Robbe, he can tell that Robbe is trying his best to keep it all together. Sander squeezes him tighter, reassuring him that he can fall apart if he needs to. 

“Please stay,” Robbe asks quietly. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Sander says, looking up slightly from his spot wrapped around Robbe’s waste. 

“Hello, Robbe?” Dr. Peter’s warm voice asks from the other end of the call. 

“Yes I’m here…” Robbe responds, wiping his face. 

“So,” she leads. “Tell me what is going on, what makes you think that your mother is at risk…” 

“Her delusions have become more extreme. Last night she called me downstairs to witness what she believed were spies outside of our apartment. She insisted that I stand watch with her. When I refused she…” Robbe pauses, collecting himself. “She started lashing out at me.” 

“Did she become violent with you?” Dr. Peters asks. 

“No.” 

“What did she say?” the doctor asks. 

“She forbade me from talking to my boyfriend on Facetime. She told me that he was corrupting my soul and that our relationship wasn’t natural. She called him evil and an agent of Satan. When I tried to defend him, she admitted that she had been actively trying to keep us from communicating during quarantine. Eventually I couldn’t listen to it anymore,” Robbe lists all of the events of the previous evening with a clinical precision to his voice. This is one of the many things that Sander had learned about Robbe, that the only way that Robbe can bring himself to talk about the things that hurt him the most is to state it bluntly without emotion. To detach himself from the event in order to get the words out. 

“Are you still at the apartment now?” she asks. 

“No, I left. I am staying with Sander now,” Robbe responds. 

“What makes you believe she will become violent,” the doctor continues. 

“We share an amazon account,” Robbe explains. “This morning I received notifications about all of the things that she ordered last night after I had left. She ordered barbed wire, bear traps, pepper spray, and she even tried to order a gun. I didn’t even know that you could order any of that online. She has been isolated for weeks now, and she sees everything and everyone as a threat. As soon as those things arrive I’m sure that she will use them. Please, you have to do something.”

“I promise you Robbe we will. I don’t take any of this lightly. First, I will need you to send me documentation of all of her purchases, and I will need to talk to your father. I believe we have enough to warrant a home visit. I will try to convince her to admit herself, but if she doesn’t come willingly forcible admission might be a possibility, depending on your’s and your father’s wishes,” Dr. Peter’s outlines. 

“You have my consent and I will send you that documentation as soon as possible,” Robbe says, there is a low beeping on the line and Robbe moves to look at his phone. “Sorry, I have my neighbor on the other line. She might have more news on my mom.” 

“Please, take the call. Let me know what she has to say and I will get started on the paperwork,” Dr. Peters signs off. 

“Hi, Ms. Rosa, what’s up?” Robbe switches the call over. 

“Oh Robbe, I’m so happy you picked up,” Rosa says lovingly. “Are you home mijo?” 

“No, I left last night,” Robbe reassures. “What is going on?”

“I have been hearing all sorts of commotion coming from upstairs,” she begins. “There was moving furniture and yelling, so much yelling but only your mom’s voice. Then a few minutes ago she started throwing stuff out of the windows. Mijo it is all of your stuff I think. She has been chanting about expelling the microbes. Should I go try to calm her down?” 

“No, no, don’t do that,” Robbe insists. “She is in the middle of an episode and she isn’t able to recognize a friendly face right now. I don't want you to get hurt. Please, just leave her alone in the apartment and wait for help to arrive. I just got off the phone with her psychiatrist and they will be sending people soon.” 

“Okay mijito,” she agrees. “Can I at least save your stuff from the sidewalk?” 

“Don’t bother,” Robbe shrugs. “It's only things, your safety is more important than any of that stuff.”

“Okay my sweet boy. And you are somewhere safe?” she checks.

“Yes I am,” Robbe smiles. “Thank you for calling me, I really appreciate it. I have to check back in with the psychiatrist, but you will let me know if anything changes?” 

“Absolutely,” she promises. “And you will let me know if there is anything else I can do for you?”

“Promise,” Robbe smiles. They say their goodbyes and send their love and hang up. As soon as the call ends Robbe begins tapping around on his phone. He is sending evidence of his mother’s purchases to Dr. Peter’s office, updating them on the information from Ms. Rosa, and responding to the text messages from his dad. 

“Okay,” Robbe leans back, setting his phone down on the bed. “Dr. Peters is on her way with the cops.” 

“What can we do now?” Sander asks softly, sitting up and folding his legs around Robbe’s.

“I’m sorry she said all of those things about you,” Robbe says, ignoring Sander’s question. “None of it is true, you know that right? I don’t even think she truly believes any of it. I think it must have been her psychosis talking.” 

“I know. It’s okay,” Sander says, rubbing his thumb along Robbe’s cheek. 

“I just couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t handle hearing her say all that about you. Maybe I shouldn’t have left. Maybe I should have stayed,” Robbe spirals. 

“Hey,” Sander looks into Robbe’s eyes, imploringly. “It isn’t your responsibility to take care of her. You did everything that you could. You still are.”

“I still feel terrible,” Robbe sighs, his head sinking down in between his knees. 

“About what?” Sander whispers, kissing Robb’s head. 

“I let her make me so angry,” Robbe’s voice shakes. “I hated her for the things that she was saying, about you, about me. I don’t think I have ever been that angry at someone before. She scared me.” 

“She said horrible things, you had every right to be angry,” Sander reassures. 

“But she can’t always control it. She is schizophrenic,” Robbe says, frustrated about the situation. This cycle seems to be happening on repeat. For the past five years his mom would start doing better, then she would stop taking her medication, and they would end up in the same place. This situation where hospitalization is the best option for Marie and Robbe is left alone. 

“Just because she can’t control it doesn’t mean that you always have to put up with it,” Sander ventures carefully. “Taking care of people comes so naturally to you, but you are allowed to leave if someone makes you feel unsafe. That is true for her and it is true for me.” 

“That’s different,” Robbe says without missing a beat. 

“No it isn’t,” Sander is firm. “The same thing applies to you and me.” 

“It is different,” Robbe insists. 

“How?”

“I have never been afraid of you,” Robbe admits. “I’ve been scared for you, sure, but I have never doubted that I wanted to be anywhere but by your side.” 

They are silent for a few moments. They are both exhausted and worried, but unbelievably relieved to be back together again. Robbe doesn’t think he would be able to deal with all of this again if he didn’t have Sander. Robbe has his back against the headboard and his arms braced against his knees. Sander is facing him, drawing soothing shapes into Robbe’s arms and back with his gentle fingertips. 

“Am I a terrible son if I don’t visit her in the hospital today?” Robbe asks. 

“No, you should visit her only when you are ready,” Sander says simply. 

“I just don’t think I am ready to forgive her,” Robbe admits, his voice threatening to break. 

“And that is okay,” Sander validates. 

“Are your parents going to be mad about me crashing here?” Robbe asks quietly.

“Are you kidding?” Sander laughs. “They missed you almost as much as I did, they ask about you all the time.” 

“Sander I’m serious,” Robbe looks Sander straight in the eyes. “This is a huge thing to ask, especially now with the world in the state that it is. If it is too much, I will just go live with my dad. It’ll be weird, but I’ll just...”

“No, not going to happen,” Sander says firmly, tightening his grip around Robbe’s shoulders. “I am serious too. I finally got you back and you aren’t going anywhere. I promise my parents will be happy to have you here. They wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

“Are you sure?”

“100%” 

Robbe cracks a thankful smile, the first smile he has managed since arriving last night. Sander nudges Robbe’s forehead with his, prompting the smile to widen. Robbe’s stomach growling in hunger cuts through the content silence between them. 

“We can’t have that,” Sander grins. “Time for croques, come!” 

“You always think it is time for croques,” Robbe giggles. 

Sander shrugs as if to ask, ‘but am I wrong?’ 

“I don’t have anything to wear,” Robbe groans, sinking back under the covers. 

“Nice try, Ijzermans but you aren’t getting breakfast in bed,” Sander narrows his eyes playfully.

“No, I’m serious. I am not wearing my suit to breakfast with your family,” Robbe defends, hiding entirely under the covers now. 

“Well, you’ll be the only one. Breakfast is always a black tie event at the Driesen household, you’ll be so underdressed, it’ll be embarrassing,” Sander teases, tickling Robbe through the covers. 

“Stop, stop,” Robbe makes out between giggles. “Please, can I just borrow some of your clothes?” 

“You mean, steal,” Sander teases, already digging through his drawers looking for his softest shirt and pajama pants. 

“Contrary to the precedent that I have set I am capable of borrowing your clothes...without stealing them,” Robbe argues. 

“Hmm we’ll see,” Sander hums, kissing Robbe and setting a stack of clothes on his lap. 

Sander moves away from the bed seeking out his own shirt and pulling it over his head. Robbe untangles himself from the covers and begins dressing himself. Sander can’t help but peek at Robbe as he is changing. Sander has missed seeing his boyfriend, in person, in the daylight, in his room. As Sander looks over his heart sinks, Robbe is noticeably thinner than he was two months and a half ago when Sander last saw him in person. Robbe has always been thin, but now he is conserningly so. 

“Baby, you lost weight,” Sander says, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice. 

“Maybe a little,” Robbe shrugs, pulling Sander’s shirt down his chest. 

“Were you not eating?” Sander dares to ask. 

“I may have skipped a few meals,” Robbe admits. “I knew money would be tight, I was trying to conserve…” 

“Robbe, baby look at me,” Sander moves to Robbe, placing his hands on Robbe’s neck and cheek. “You are an angel sent to this earth and you try to take care of everyone else before yourself. But for the love of God, please remember to take care of yourself too. Or at the very least let me take care of you. Please let me take care of you.”

“Okay,” Robbe breaths out, sinking into Sander’s arms. 

“You aren’t alone,” Sander says into Robbe’s shoulder, holding him close. 

“I know,” Robbe says, pulling Sander closer still.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

“Oh, there's garlic involved now?” Robbe peers over at the pan Sander is busying himself over. Robbe is sitting on top of the counter as Sander makes them breakfast. 

“Yes, only the best for you,” Sander smiles, leaning over to steal a kiss.

Robbe leans back and looks around the kitchen. He tries to pick out everything that is different since the last time he has been in her. Maybe it is a little cleaner than usual, but it is comforting to him to find it almost exactly as he remembers. Robbe notices a sheet of paper hung up on the refrigerator with a lightning bolt magnet, he hops off of the counter to go look at it closer. It is a chore chart for unloading the dishwasher. It looks like it is Sander’s turn today, then his mom Katy, then his dad Ryan, and then Amber. “Amber?” Robbe asks, pointing to the refrigerator. “As in Amber, my friend Amber?” 

“Oh yeah,” Sander begins, smiling guiltily. “About that.” 

“Yeah?” Robbe leads, sitting himself back on top of the counter. 

“She’s been staying with us during lockdown,” Sander says casually, focusing on his croques. 

“What? Really? Why?” Robbe is surprised.

“Well you know I was adopted right?” Sander explains. 

“Yeah.”

“And, well, my parents are still certified foster parents,” Sander continues. “There was some trouble with Amber’s mom and she came to stay with us a few weeks ago.”

“Woah,” Robbe is mostly surprised at how he had missed this. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Amber asked me not to,” Sander explains. “She finds it embarrassing, or something.” 

“Why?”

“That, I don’t know,” Sander sighs. “We like having her here, this isn’t the first time. She has stayed with us a few times over the years and my parents even started looking into adopting her the last time she was here.”

“Why didn’t they?” 

“She didn’t want them to,” Sander says, a little bit of sadness in his voice. 

Sander returns his focus to the sandwiches frying on the stove when Katy wanders into the kitchen, still half asleep. Her eyes widen in excitement when she notices Robbe perched on the counter. 

“Robbe!” she exclaims. “When did you arrive?”

“Last night,” Sander smiles. 

“Can I give you a hug?” she asks excitedly. 

“Come here,” Robbe offers, hopping down from the counter with his arms wide open. 

“Quick, get the duct tape Sander,” Katy jokes, holding Robbe tight in her arms. “He won't be able to leave.”

“Actually about that,” Sander begins. “His mom is going through a rough time right now, and I was hoping Robbe could stay with us.” 

“Well of course you can stay with us Robbe,” she says as if it is obvious. “Is everything going to be okay with your mom?” 

“It will be,” Robbe says, looking down. “She just needs other people looking after her for a while. People who know what they are doing.” 

Katy looks at Robbe with enough love to nearly make her burst. Sander’s parents are young, remarkably young. Katy is an ER nurse and Ryan is an EMT who writes music between shifts. They adopted Sander when he was 12, being one of the few couples willing to house kids older than six. The night Robbe first met them, they spent almost an hour talking about how sweet twelve year old Sander was. They gushed about how it was love at first sight, and they just knew that he was meant to be their son. Katy hugs Robbe again, this time saying, “You can stay for as long as you want.” 

Ryan wanders into the kitchen next, in clear need of a cup of coffee. “Robbe’s here!” he observes. 

“Yes, captain obvious, and he’s here to stay,” Katy jokes. 

Ryan smiles, pulling Robbe into a hug as well, “Welcome home Robbe.” 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quarantining with the Driesens was better than Robbe could have ever imagined. As a family they cooked, ate, played games, and watched movies together. Amber was quiet and avoided Robbe at first, almost as if she believed Robbe wouldn’t notice her if she tried hard enough. But eventually she gave in and hung out with the two of them. Robbe never thought he would say this, but he genuinely enjoyed hanging out with Amber. The lockdown made her anxious and she was almost always finding ways to keep herself busy. But whenever Sander and Robbe could convince her to take a second to relax the three of them had fun chatting and joking around. It was nice to see Amber away from the drama of high school, and Sander had a way of getting her to loosen up and to relax in her own skin. Robbe soon found out that she had a secret sense of witty humor hiding inside of her. 

Sander and Robbe had a surprising amount of alone time. Both of Sander’s parents were still able to work, their shifts becoming longer and longer as the number of coronavirus cases increased. Amber busied herself with long runs outside and delivering baked goods to her friends. The boys were beyond excited to be together again, able to touch and feel each other whenever they wanted. They made each other laugh so hard that it made their stomachs hurt and their eyes water. Sander decided that they would use lockdown to teach Robbe how to cook, so Sander’s parents always had dinner waiting for them when they finally got off of their shifts. The boys also used their time in other ways, lets just say that the sex was amazing. But more importantly the boys experienced a new level of intimacy that comes with living together. They shared their space and soon realized that they never wanted it any other way. They developed a million inside jokes and new nicknames. They learned every little quirk and habit the other has. Above all, they were happy, the happiest they have ever been. Whenever Robbe stopped for long enough to think about it, the sheer level of happiness he felt was overwhelming. Being here with Sander, and his family, Robbe felt like he had finally found it...home. When he realized this and was finally able to put a name to this feeling, Robbe couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. He felt guilty that he finally found this feeling when he was the furthest away from his family he has ever been. Sander didn’t let him feel guilty for long, insisting that Robbe deserves all the happiness in the world, no matter where it comes from. Slowly, Robbe has learned to believe him. Robbe is learning to live with the fact that it is his mother’s turn to reach out when she is ready. By then, maybe Robbe will be ready as well. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“No, I will not help you do this,” Robbe says firmly. The great hair debate of 2020 had begun a week after Robbe’s arrival at the Driesen house. Sander has been handing Robbe the buzz cutter everyday since, insisting that Robbe help him shear his hair off. Robbe has deployed every distraction method in his handbook to avoid this very moment. But Sander will not take no for an answer again. 

“I want you to do it,” Sander begs. “Please, my hair is driving me crazy.” 

“I love your hair,” Robbe says petulantly. “I will not help you murder it.”

“Robbe, don’t be ridiculous,” Sander sighs. “My hair will grow back. At this point it is so damaged I have no other choice but to grow it out again.”

“No, I just can’t do it,” Robbe holds the buzz cutter as if it is going to explode. 

“Please, I don’t even look like myself anymore,” Sander insists. “This hair is out of control.”

“I still love it,” Robbe says, running his fingers lovingly through Sanders overgrown and damaged hair. 

“Shut up!” Sander laughs. “I look like Albert Einstein!”

“You do not look like Albert Einstein,” Robbe insists. “Your long hair is beautiful.”

“No,” Sander argues. “Your long hair looks beautiful. You look like the love child between Prince Charming, Tarzan, and Jesus. Meanwhile I look like I have been sticking my finger in light sockets and yelling at children to get off my lawn. It is time.” And with that Sander grabs Robbe’s hand, the buzz cutter along with it and cuts a thick stripe of hair off in the middle of his head. 

“You did NOT just do that!” Robbe yells in astonishment, absolute shock on his face. 

“I did,” Sander laughs, the adrenaline coursing through his veins. “You better keep going, or else I’ll have to keep this reverse mohawk.”

“You are one of a kind Sander Driesen,” Robbe mutters, switching the cutter back on. Robbe works in petulant silence, making sure to get every spot. 

Sander closed his eyes as soon as Robbe had started. His bleached blond hair has been with him for a long time and he has gotten so used to seeing it in the mirror every time he looks at himself. He loves the way that it looks, but seeing it all grown out nearly ruined the idea in his mind forever. The cutters against his scalp feels really nice, Robbe’s hand against his head clearing off the loose hairs feels even better. 

“Okay I’m done,” Robbe announces. Sander opens his eyes and can’t quite decipher the look on Robbe’s face. He looks almost angry as he brushes the hair off of Sander’s shoulders. 

“What is it?” Sander asks tentatively. Praying that he doesn’t look even worse with this haircut. 

“You got even hotter,” Robbe pouts. 

“You think so?” Sander giggles teasingly. 

“Don’t rub it in,” Robbe continues to pout, stiffening in Sander’s arms, hating to admit that he was wrong. 

“I mean, Halloween is coming up. I can always dress up as Albert Einstein if you miss that look,” Sander teases relentlessly, kissing Robbe’s neck. Sander is very conscious of the fact that Robbe’s hands haven’t left his new hair since he finished. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead and look at yourself first,” Robbe pushes Sander in front of the mirror. 

“Woah,” is the only thing Sander can say in response to seeing himself. He is shocked by how mature he looks. It has been a long time since he has seen himself with this dark of hair. His natural hair is usually light brown, but at this length it looks almost black. Sander leans in to Robbe’s hand that is stroking the short hairs at the back of his head. “That feels amazing,” Sander sighs with his eyes closed. 

“Does it?” Robbe asks, pretending to be oblivious to the effect it is having on his boyfriend. 

“Come here,” Sander says turning around and lifting Robbe into his arms to carry him down the hall. 

“What is your plan?” Robbe asks when Sander lays him out onto the bed. This has become their code, their way of submitting to the desires of the other. Telling each other that they are ready for whatever comes next. 

Sander lays down on top of Robbe, aligning their bodies in the bed. “Tell me what you want,” Sander whispers in his deep voice against Robbe’s neck. 

“I want to feel your skin against mine,” Robbe gasps as Sander grinds his hips teasingly against his own. 

Sander moves to take Robbe’s shirt off. Then his own shirt, because Robbe’s hands appear to be incapable of leaving his hair. “What else do you want?” Sander asks into Robbe’s open mouth.

“I want to feel you inside of me,” Robbe begs, bringing a smile to Sander’s lips. 

They kiss passionately, uninhibited, able to give in to each other entirely with no reservations. Sander separates, kissing his way down Robbe’s neck, allowing Robbe to catch his breath momentarily. His breath hitches again as Sander moves down his chest, licking over his nipples and kissing the soft spot of his stomach. Sander hooks his fingers under the waistband of the shorts Robbe is wearing, Sander’s shorts, Sander’s boxers. Seeing Robbe in Sander’s clothes does something to Sander, even after all this time. Robbe stretches out on the bed under Sander’s loving gaze, mentally preparing himself for what is coming next. Sander positions himself between Robbe’s legs, his shoulders keeping them open. Sander kisses up the inside of Robbe’s thigh, his new spiky hair leaving goose bumps behind on Robbe’s left leg where it brushes against the sensitive skin. 

Robbe lets out a content sigh before Sander even takes him into his mouth, when he does Robbe lets out a sound of complete ecstasy. Robbe’s hands go instinctually to Sander’s hair, usually Robbe would be able to control Sander’s movements via the fingers laced between his long silver locks. Robbe used to be able to keep Sander at a pace that offers enough distraction from the stretch caused by Sander’s other hand, while at the same time keeping himself from coming too early. The spikes of Sander’s smooth hair slip easily through Robbe’s fingers, this lack of control is exhilarating and unpredictable. Sander could do anything he wanted to Robbe, push himself to take as much of Robbe into his mouth as he wants, and he does. 

Sander has Robbe stretched as much as he needs, but he doesn’t pull away. Robbe is ready to feel his boyfriend inside of him, but Sander has other plans. Sander curls his fingers against Robbe’s prostate just as he takes Robbe’s dick deep into his throat, pushing past his gag reflex. Robbe is taken off guard, entirely overtaken by the sudden surge of firing nerves. He comes violently in Sander’s mouth, Sander sucking and stroking him through it with his fingers. Robbe’s orgasm is powerful and all consuming, partly due to the surprise of it all. 

“Why did you do that so early?” Robbe asks, looking down at his boyfriends sparkling eyes after he finally catches his breath. 

“You said that you wanted to try over stimulation,” Sander suggests. 

“I did, didn’t I?” the memory resurfacing with a smile in Robbe’s blissed mind. “Lay down,” Robbe commands, dragging Sander up along his body to rest next to him. 

Sander lays back as he was commanded and Robbe moves to remove Sander’s pants and straddle his hips. Sander is transported back to the first time Robbe sat like this. Back then Sander was surprised by the effect that it had on him, but was determined to keep his cool. Now he could let it all go, ride out this feeling without shame or embarrassment, because Robbe knew exactly what he was doing to him. 

“You are so beautiful,” Sander praises as Robbe leans down for a kiss, rolling his hips in time with their intensifying kiss. Sander is sighing and moaning just with the fleeting brushes of touch he is receiving from Robbe’s grinding hips. Soon Robbe reaches down, stroking Sander hard with lube in his hand. The anticipation threatens to give Sander a heart attack, but he relinquishes control, letting Robbe take care of him. 

Robbe disconnects their lips and leans back, keeping eye contact as he lowers himself onto Sander’s erection. Robbe throws his head back in pleasure as he bottoms out, still sensitive from his previous orgasm. Sander could watch Robbe like this all day, running his hands along Robbe’s chest, waist, and hips. Allowing Robbe to build both of them up with a rhythm of his own choosing. Robbe rides him, both of them are rising together, their heart rate elevating, their breaths shortening in pure pleasure. Robbe is a master at this, making this feeling last as long as possible, building slowly until it becomes too much. 

“Oh baby, I’m close,” Robbe moans, with a particularly good roll of his hips. “Sander, it's your turn, take over.” 

Sander doesn’t need to be told twice, he doesn’t need to ask, he knows what they both want, he knows what they both need. Sander flips them over, quickly, effortlessly, without losing their connection so that Sander is on top of Robbe now, breathing into his open mouth. Sander thrusts slowly at first, using his entire length. He builds and builds and builds his pace until he is thrusting hard and quickly into Robbe. Robbe is squirming and shaking underneath him soon, his body crashing in around Sander as he comes. Sander follows soon after, collapsing on top of Robbe in a hyperventilating mess. 

Robbe strokes his hands slowly up and down Sander’s neck and back as they catch their breath. “Holy shit!” Robbe exclaims happily. 

“Holy shit!” Sander agrees with a laugh. 

“Is it always going to be like this?” Robbe wonders out loud. It seems impossible, but every time with Sander feels better than the time before. Surely they will hit their peak soon. 

“God I hope so!” Sander sighs deeply, kissing Robbe lazily through their blissful smiles.

No matter what the future holds, there is one thing they know for certain: the future looks a hell of a lot brighter with the other in it.


	4. I stand by you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Homophobia along the lines of "I wish they would tone it down." And stop and frisk. 
> 
> Hope you all are doing well and staying safe. Black lives matter, queer lives matter, and treat each other with kindness. Take this time to educate yourselves about something you may not understand fully and take a stand, silence and indifference = death.

Summer had come with a vengeance, the heat made it nearly impossible for Moyo to continue in the game of soccer they had going. On the field it was Jana, Zoe, Jens, Sander, and Robbe against Milan, Senne, Aaron, Yasmina, and Luca. Moyo wiped the sweat off of his forehead as he sat down next to Amber on the side lines. Thankful for their early decision to have two subs, Moyo begins gulping down the ice water Yasmina had brought, her practical mom energy not going unappreciated. 

Moyo smiles as Sander scores a goal against Yasmina. The whole field erupts in joyous cheers, as it is a minor miracle that Sander managed to score a goal, Sander is typically a liability on the field, his big feet tripping over the ball more often than kicking it. Players from both teams swarm around Sander, patting him on the back and giving high fives. When Robbe makes it over to Sander, Sander lifts Robbe into the air spinning him around as a victory dance. When Sander finally sets a dizzy Robbe down they kiss, both boys staggering a bit as the world still spins around them. Their friends wolf whistle and ooh and ahh the boys until they finally separate and set up for the next play. Moyo’s grin turns into a frown when he hears a very loud scoff from down the bench. 

“What’s your problem?” Moyo asks unceremoniously. 

“That was a bit much wasn’t it?” Amber rolls her eyes. 

“What was?” Moyo asks, not liking where this was about to go. 

“That...Sander...and Robbe,” Amber sighs, waving her hand in the general direction of the field. “The whole park was staring.” 

“Let them stare,” Moyo shrugs. “They aren’t doing anything wrong.”

“No I know,” Amber backpedals. “I just wish they would, you know, tone it down a bit. Especially in public.” 

“No,” Moyo begins. “They absolutely should not, tone it down.” 

“Doesn’t it make you uncomfortable, seeing them like that? So all over each other?” She scrapes at him, trying to get him to agree.

“Not at all,” Moyo defends. “I think it is a privilege, actually.”

“What? You pervert,” Amber laughs, trying to lighten the mood. 

“No, it's not like that,” Moyo tries to explain. “Did you know that they got beat up once, because some guys thought that they were being ‘too much’ in public?”

“No I…”

“Yeah it was pretty horrible,” Moyo tries his best to keep his voice calm. “Things were pretty rough for them after that. Robbe still has a hard time feeling safe with Sander in public.”

“It doesn’t seem like that,” Amber sighs, thinking over what Moyo has said. 

“Well, not to us, no,” Moyo agrees. “That is because, with us, with their friends, Robbe feels a little safer. Because he knows every single one of us has their backs.” 

“Hmm…” Amber hums, deep in thought. 

“We are some of the few people who get to witness them unapologetically in love and free to be themselves,” Moyo thinks out loud. “And for that we are very lucky.” 

They sit in silence until Jana runs up to them. “I need a sub,” she pants, trying to catch her breath. 

“Put me in coach!” Moyo says enthusiastically, leaving Amber behind to think some more. 

Moyo is greeted by his teammates as they take their positions for the new play. Sander looks at Moyo questioningly nodding in the direction of Amber, no doubt catching the fact that their conversation was a little more serious than the rest of the tone of that evening. Moyo smiles and winks at him letting Sander know that everything is okay. 

Moyo sees himself in Amber, he too had been very surface level in his acceptance of LGBT people. It wasn’t until Robbe came out that Moyo began to understand how harmful some of the things he said and did and thought were. It wasn’t until Robbe came out that Moyo began to educate himself and truly listen to the people around him. Moyo will forever be grateful to Robbe for that push. However much he has learned, he knows that there is a lifetime more he will have to do in order to be the best ally for his friends as he can be. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I swear, I don’t know how much longer I can wait. My balls aren’t blue, they are black!” Aaron complains about his and Ambers nonexistant sex life. 

“For the last time, Aaron, she doesn’t owe you anything,” Robbe groans. 

“I know! I’m just frustrated, because I feel like I am ready to take that step, but I feel like she may never be ready. Isn’t it frustrating?” he asks, turning towards Sander. 

“Um, we didn’t have that problem,” Sander says with a cheeky smile, earning a half hearted shoulder shove from Robbe in response. 

“You just have to keep trying to make her feel comfortable with you, and talking about sex in a respectful way,” Moyo advises. 

“And until then...toothpaste!” Jens suggests. 

“You and your fucking toothpaste,” Sander laughs, shuttering with the image Jens routinely puts in their heads. 

“Don’t knock it til you try it,” Jens says proudly. 

“I did,” Aaron admits, sheepishly. “That shit burned so bad!” 

It takes a while before the laughter dies down and the boys catch their breath. “Someone should go get our boards, before they get stolen,” Moyo suggests, looking off at where they had left the boards. Throughout the afternoon the boys kept scooting down the wall chasing the shade and leaving their boards behind. When Moyo looks back to the boys around him he realizes that all of them have a finger pressed to their noses. “Fuck you!” Moyo laughs at their way of volunteering him to go retrieve them. 

Moyo starts walking down the path towards their boards. He doesn’t hear Robbe untangle himself from his spot sitting in between Sander’s legs and volunteer to come help Moyo get the boards. Out of the shade the heat is truly sweltering, there isn't anyone brave enough to stay in the half pipe and it seems like their group is the only one left in the park, occupying the last pocket of shade. Moyo is almost to the boards and is completely focused on picking them up and returning quickly to the shade. He starts stacking them when he hears footsteps approaching. 

“Hands up! Don’t move,” a male voice commands, Moyo looks up and sees a cop with his hand on his belt. “I said hands up.” 

Moyo moves mechanically, slowly placing the boards on the ground and lacing his hands behind his head. Moyo fixates on what is in his pocket, he feels his wallet and his phone. Is the little bag of weed in his pocket or Jens’. Moyo can't remember but he prays to every god he has ever heard of that Jens has it. 

“Stand against the wall,” the officer commands. Moyo complies silently. “Were you stealing those boards?” the cop asks. 

“No sir,” Moyo says, his throat dry as a bone. The cop begins patting down his right leg finding his wallet. Moyo hears footsteps running towards them before the cop makes it to his left leg. 

“What is going on here?” Robbe’s voice asks disbelievingly. “What are you doing?” 

“Sir, stay back,” the cop commands, stepping back from Moyo, his hand on his belt again. 

“Okay, I am not moving,” Robbe says, putting his hands up and staying away from the cop and Moyo. “Can I ask you why you stopped my friend?” 

“He was going to steal these boards,” the cop explains himself. 

“No he wasn’t, he was bringing them back to our group. We left them here and went to sit in the shade over there. Here I can prove it,” Robbe explains calmly. 

“Okay,” the cop agrees, allowing Robbe to walk towards the boards. The cop steps back again, never moving his hand away from his belt. 

“See, we registered all of our boards last semester when there were a lot of thefts at the park. This one is mine, I’m Robbe Ijzermans,” Robbe says, showing the cop the registration sticker on the bottom of the board. The cop nods and Robbe continues, “This one is his, check his ID.” 

The cop pulls out Moyo’s ID and matches it to the sticker on the bottom of Moyo’s board. “Okay, you are free to go,” the cop announces, handing Moyo his wallet back. “Stay out of trouble now.” 

With shaking hands Moyo slips his wallet back into his pocket and helps Robbe gather the skateboards. Once they are out of eye shot of the cop Moyo sets down the boards and sits down with his head in his hands. He begins panicking trying his best to catch his breath again. Robbe sits down next to Moyo rubbing his hand in circles across his back and coaching him to breathe in and out calmly. Moyo brings himself to stick his hand into his left pocket, he pulls his hand out with the weed in his grasp. “Holy fuck,” Moyo shutters, tears coming out now. 

“Here, give that to me,” Robbe says, taking the weed and putting it in his own pocket. 

“That was close,” Moyo gasps, realization sinking in. 

“I know,” Robbe soothes. “But you’re safe.” 

“For now,” Moyo says knowingly. “I am so stupid, I should have been more careful.” 

“It’s not your fault, that cop had no reason to stop you,” Robbe says. 

“He stopped me because I’m black.” 

Both boys sit in silence until Moyo feels ready to join the others. It takes him a few days to talk about what happened again, but when he does, Robbe listens.


End file.
